Thursday was just one of those days.
I struggled to wake up, stay awake and function for the whole day, laying on the sofa while Jack played with his garage. I felt down, a bit of a grey cloud over my head.
In the early days of Jack’s arrival I did have some baby blue days but I think it was down to the shock of looking after a little person and the unbelievable tiredness that just consumed me.
Over the past year I’ve been suffering with mild anxiety. I say mild because it wasn’t all the time and I just got on with it.
When I was due to go back to work though there were alot of tears and tight chests. Thankfully I was able to take a career break. I put the hopeless feeling down to that and thought not going back go work would make things better.
It did for a bit but the tearful cuddles with my husband about not being a good mum or wife continued. The breathless feeling in my chest started to rise when I thought about the housework, John being away with work for the night, cooking meals, going out and other stuff. I also used to daydream alot about losing Jack and John which often set off the tears.
Finally, I spoke to the doctor about it and was prescribed a really low dose of anti-depressants for a couple of months. I didn’t feel any different though and they were increased, still to a low dose.
When I came to the end of my prescription, I decided not to continue. I felt that they weren’t making a significant difference and decided to give myself a break.
Organising my days has helped – making sure I don’t try to do all the housework in one go and then be annoyed that either I hadn’t done everything or that all I had been doing was cleaning all day!!! I make sure that along with playing and hanging out with Jack, I do one thing with him which can be either soft play, going to the park, drawing at home or even Play Doh (which does raise the blood pressure ever so slightly – especially when the colours get mixed together).
Having a very supporting husband that does his fair share and more at home and with Jack helps enormously. He also gives me lots of very big hugs when he see’s me getting stressed and lots of reassuring pep talks 🙂
So Thursday was just one of those days. The feeling passed and Friday was a new and bright day.
These days crop up every now and again but I try not to worry about it so much when they do. If I don’t do any chores or get John to cook the dinner, it doesn’t matter. I have worried about the impact on Jack and this spurs me to try and relax and worry less about things, big or small.
If you ever think that you feel worried or anxious often and that this is affecting your daily life then do see your doctor. All of these things are normal emotions but if you are finding it hard to control these feelings and the simplest task is blown out of proportion then it’s time to do something about it.
You’ll find lots of information online including CBT for anxiety.
Here are some useful links from the NHS: